Raymond M. Kristiansen on politics, technology and life

I have a very mixed relationship to the role of being the leader, the spearhead, the guy in charge.

The first time I had become leader of anything was in 1998 (or was it 1999? Memory fails me). I had been active at the student culture house Det Akademiske Kvarter in Bergen for about a year. I remember when I was asked if I wanted to be part of a new working group within the house that would be responsible for updating the media about upcoming events at the house. We became 3-4 people in the group, and we assembled information from different organizations who had events at the culture house, and sent lists of those events to the regional and national media.

I remember my emotions when I realized that I had been asked to coordinate this work. I struggled with it a lot, and at the end of the day that struggle left me largely apathic. I was seriously disappointed with myself, but it seemed that I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I didn’t like to be in charge. I wanted to be part of a team. At the same time, I didn’t have the guts to tell the people who had asked me to do this how I really felt. My disappointment eventually led to my disengagement from work at the culture house, but in the process it seemed that some people had liked what I had tried to do, and I had in 1999 been awarded the ‘Poden-prisen’ which is a recognition of the work of someone who had gone the extra mile and shown talent. I was happy to receive that recognition, but I was very busy being disappointed in my own lack of leadership.

The next time I found myself in a leadership position was in 2000, after I had become active in student politics at the University of Bergen and had been elected the vice-president of the executive branch of the Student’s Union. At a european student’s conference in Italy, I had met a guy from the University of Leuven in Belgium, and he had asked me if my university wanted to attend the general assembly of a European association of students, the student branch of The Coimbra Group. At the end, I was sent to the general assembly as my university’s representant, and during the course of the assembly, I was asked if I wanted to be on the board of the organization. After a few hours of soulsearching, I accepted. Then, I was asked if I wanted to run for President, and then it was that I really started to sweat. With my experiences from Det Akademiske Kvarter fresh in mind, I knew that if I accepted this position as President, I might just end up running around in circles mentally, and not get much done. I told them that I was not really eager on the President role, but I could be a regular board member. But there was no candidate for President, and they asked me again. And at the end I accepted, because I felt that someone Had to step up to the table and make the sacrifice time-wise. Make the effort.

I ended up heading a board of 4 or 5 (I don’t even remember how many we were) from across Europe. I learned a lot during that year as president, and one of the things we did was to plan the next year’s General Assembly, which was to take place in Bristol, UK. At that next GA, my plan was to step down as President, and ask that a new President was named. However, I was named again, and I was asked if I could take another period. I don’t really remember my thought process then, but I ended up accepting the nomination.

I remember clearly the spring of 2002. I had in December 2001 ended my second term as vice-president of my own student’s union (full time position), and my plan was in those first four months of 2002 to act as a ‘working president’ of this European Student organization, and be based in Brussels. I went to Brussels, where I was given a working place and computer at the office of the mother organization, the network of universities (the rectors and vice-chancellors). I was also given economic support from my University to cover living expenses while in Brussels.

What happened during those months is among the biggest traumas in my life. I would spend countless hours walking around Brussels during the evening, trying to grasp my head around the issues at hand. Figure out how to move forward with initiatives, how to plan the 2002 General Assembly, which would be in Leuven again, how to make it all fit together. Again, I ran around in circles. At the end of the period, we had our GA in April, I stepped down as president of the org, and I let out a huge sigh of relief. I spent a lot of time analyzing what had happened, reading through my notes from those months in Brussels, and trying to look at the root causes for my cognitive spin. What caused this panic, this lack of ability to simply move forward, one step at the time, one breathe at the time.

I was filled with shame, again. Shame over what I did NOT do, over what I failed to implement, failed to do something on. After the General Assembly, I fled to Munich, where my girlfriend at the time was living, and I spent the next four months there learning to breathe again, awakening my mind, and to dare have visions and hopes again. I don’t remember much from that last General Assembly at all; it seems like my mind has blocked it all out. I just remember that general feeling of panic.

In the autumn of 2002, after I had gone back to Norway and Bergen, I started to become politically active. I officially stopped being a member of the Socialistic Youth party (where I had in 1998 become member primarily because one of my cousins at the time was national leader of the youth party), and I became active in the social-liberal party ‘Venstre’. I was asked if I wanted to be on the board of Bergen Liberal Youth (Bergen Unge Venstre), and I accepted, knowing that I wouldn’t have the panic attacks of leadership while being just a board member. During the next few years, I didn’t have any leadership role, although I started a small magazine dealing with international issues in the youth party. But it was strange – I was the one who initiated it, and I think I even had the title of “Editor-in-chief”, but I did not Really accept that role. I just wanted that to be temporary, a solution until we found someone who wanted to lead it, wanted to take the magazine further. Again, I don’t remember quite what happened, but I stepped out of the editorial board of the magazine, someone else took over, and not long after that the magazine dwindled out of existence again. I think we had 3-4 issues totally, where 2 or 3 of those issues were ones I edited.

In 2004, I found a new pet project: Videoblogging. I had for a few years been increasingly interested in communication, organizational information flows, and how we could use new media (“social media”) to enhance our knowledge management. In December 2004 I by chance saw a video blog made by an 11 year old girl in Texas, where she showed her room, her music instrument, her computer etc. Showed us her life. I was thunder-struck. I could barely talk for hours. “THIS IS IT!” I remember saying to myself. This is it, this will change everything!

In the summer of 2005, we were some European-based videobloggers who had communicated online over the last half-year or so who wanted to meet. We wanted to meet, and to talk about issues related to videoblogging, and share tips and tricks. Talk about the art, the trade. I was one of those who said “Yes! Let’s meet!”, and I quickly registered the domain www.vlogeurope.com and wrote enthusiastic emails about how great this could be. I registered the domain, not because I wanted to be The Leader, but because I wanted things to get started, get rolling. So we were a few people who organized what would then become VlogEurope 2005, which would take place in Amsterdam. It was great to meet all those people who I had exchanged video moments with over the last months!

In 2006, we wanted to have a new conference – and here’s the tricky part. I failed to take responsability! I didn’t get involved much at all with the organization of it, leaving that to a few others who made that year’s conference bigger, better, more organized. That second year we met in Milan. The next years, we met in Heidelberg (2007), Budapest (2008), and Amsterdam again in 2009. I was more involved at those later ones, but still not managing to take things further.

***

What did I learn from those experiences? How have I grown these last 13 years? I think a lot happened in 2009, actually the summer of 2009, while I was in Tromsø for a month. I decided to take more responsability for my own life. After that month in Tromsø, I decided to move to Oslo, after having lived in Denmark for three years. I decided to accept the suggestion from a temp agency that I turn up for an interview for a temporary position at a IT / Telecom company here in Oslo. I decided to allow myself to work towards becoming good at something, and above all to stick in the field for a while. Learn the ropes.

What did I learn? What did I really learn through those months and years of tormenting myself over what I did not do, what I did not implement, changes that I did not create?

I don’t know. Rather, I don’t know how to formulate it in words. I learned to keep my humility. I learned the value of good intentions, and the curse of good intentions without effort, concentrated effort and taking things one.step.at.the.time.

I had created castles in the sky for myself; I had seen a vision, and I did not know how to get to that vision, to the castle. So the castle ended up mostly as images within myself, a mere thought, a nice idea. I learned the value of taking that first step. And the next one, and the next one. Inventing the path as I went along, sometimes. Allowing myself to plot a line on the map, even though I had no idea where the line might end up.

Daring. Daring to fail.

To fail through action, and not just failing through apathy and inaction.

Meeting the woman that would become my wife helped a lot. Getting married. Becoming a father. All part of the grounding process. Becoming a good father isn’t something that can stay as a nice ideal; it can never be a castle in the sky.

***

Why am I writing all this? To reflect on my relationship with leadership, historically. Why is this relevant? Because last autumn, I decided to myself go after a leadership position. That, to me, is quite a new thing. Whereas I earlier was the one that said “ok, I can take the responsability”, or I was seen as the leader of something because I had been the one starting it, I now Wanted to become leader. I wanted to become leader of my party in my part of Oslo. I wanted it, not for glory or prestige, but because I wanted to redeem myself.

This post is a reflection of an earlier post, where I wrote:

And I felt happy, because I know that, to me, this is perhaps a way to redeem myself. Not for others, but for myself. And I remember July 22nd, and the pledge I whispered that first night after the bomb and the shooting, the pledge that I really, Really, REALLY, need to do something, to be involved. I can’t go on living like a zombie, just concerned about myself or my family [...]

For the first time in my life, I wanted to be a leader. It was a strange feeling, because I remember so very well the panic of earlier years, the thinkingthinkingthinkingthinkingthinkingthinking. My head spinning from all the ideas, things that need to be done, people to talk with, links to be made between different concepts, approaches, points of view.

I was elected leader of my party in my part of Oslo on December 12th, two days before I went on vacation. The vacation that I returned from two days ago. Leader of a board of 5. And, as leader of my branch, I am also member of other parts of my party’s organization, representation, a voice. To represent not myself, but those I am leading. To also help the people on my board to better do what they want to do.

I actually thought a lot about this during the vacation these last weeks. How I had earlier not accepted my responsability. Not accepted where I am at that point in time. I could write on for ages about what my findings were – why I felt like I did – but this post is way way way too long already. Even for me, my future self, who will be reading this. And maybe that future me will find even more things, make ever new connections from his past, my past, present and future. His past, which he learned something from. Learned something from my future.

Leadership is tricky. For me, humility is the cornerstone. Not fake humility, but real. There are those religious leaders who say that they are “the humble servant” of the people they serve. I like that saying, as much as I sometimes feel that it is pure BS when they say it like that.

I have learned a lot about humility, through my years of self-punishment and selv-sabotage. Those lessons will stay with me, and I am pretty certain that I will not become some boastful bastard. But I cannot be too certain. I simply cannot. I just need to be careful. And aware.

I hate poverty tourism. At the same time, I also hate it when people from the western world visit countries that have poverty issues, and they just hide in their resorts or hotels, and make sure to always book a private van or taxi whenever they are going places.

Today, my wife and I were walking around Guindulman, which is her home city in The Philippines. At some point, the road passed this house standing lonely, and an old woman was standing beside it.

Since I don’t know Visayan yet, and she didn’t know English, my wife spoke with her, and the woman repeated how hungry she was and that she didn’t have money for food. At the same time, there was an air of dignity around her. I ended up giving her 100 PHP, around 2.28 US$, and told her via Lira that it was a small Christmas present, and I wished her a happy new year.

I asked her if it was ok if we took a picture of her, and she accepted. I took the picture, and I then said to myself silently “Damned poverty tourist”.

After that photo, this whole evening, I have been thinking about this woman, living in this little nipa hut, on her own. Having no children, a husband that died. She might have siblings or other relatives, but I don’t know.

I felt bad, for a few reasons.

I felt bad because it always is a shock to realize just how much other people may lack basic amenities. Not numbers – anyone can throw numbers at you, but to realize the story of a person you are meeting on your walk.

I felt bad because I realized how jaded I am, despite my sensitivity to these issues. At the end of the day, I tend to just say to myself, like most others: “You can’t save the whole world”.

No, we cannot save the world. Sometimes we also can’t stop ourselves from being a damned tourist. But we can do something.

As a side-note, this blog post and particularly the discussion in comments has some good thoughts about this whole poverty tourism thing.

The weather here in the Visaya region has been quite bad most of the time we have been here on vacation, and now it is raining cats and dogs again outside. I guess we have had a total of two days with mostly sun altogether the two weeks we have been here. Next time we go to The Philippines, we will go in July, which should mean better weather. But the drawback of that is that then there is also summer in Norway, and Norwegian summers can also be pretty good.

One of the great feelings during this vacation is that while we are basking in the rain in 28 degrees celsius, Oslo is just above the freezing point, and the weather is mixed, to put it mildly.

I had wanted to spend a lot of time these remaining days to be on the beach and work on that tan, but I guess I just need to accept defeat, and stay indoors in airconditioned rooms that sometimes feel like winter.

Every travel begins with a first step, and then more steps. Sometimes, the journey will feel like it is going in one general direction – that you are following a path – while other times it may feel like a meandering river which seems to go nowhere. My life has surely been a bit of both so far.

This year, 2012, will be long, and it is important for me to view the different steps and to make sure that I keep tangible goals where I can track where I am going.

It is almost midnight here in The Philippines, where we still are on vacation. We had a good new year’s eve celebration yesterday, and today was also good for me, particularly because I managed to use the few hours of sunshine this afternoon and went snorkelling at Anda with Gibran, my brother-in-law.

A lot of my thoughts today has gone to this year and what I want to achieve with the year. It is easy to have lofty goals and New Year’s Resolutions™, but more important to plan for the changes I want to implement, and find routines that can lead to the change I want to see.

I will write about two of my goals for this year, which are: To learn Visayan, and to be creative.

Visayan
Visayan, or more specifically Cebuano, is the language of my wife’s family and is the language/dialect most commonly used here in the Visaya part of PH. I have always had the intention of learning the language, but didn’t get into the habit of actually doing the daily work it takes to learn a new language. This will change this year, and I will use the following habits:

* Agree with my wife to only speak in Visayan or Norwegian at home after we get home from our vacation. (She also has a goal of learning Norwegian).

* Have a weekly check-up of where I am

* Explore the language here on this blog, and engage in online debate with others of a similar goal if I have the time.

Creativity
When it comes to creativity, it is more abstract, and doesn’t relate directly to things like paint paintings. I know that I need to be more creative in my approach to challenges in my life, more eager to look for alternative solutions, and above all be creative in how I actually implement those solutions. As such, this is about creativity within processes. I have always aimed to be creative, so in that sense there is nothing new here either, but I am re-committing myself to work with this on a daily basis.

Part of my creativity process earlier has been to document things, on a blog or by using video or screencasting. The problem then was that I was not very systematic, and I didn’t manage to harvest all the benefits that I could get from this, especially in moments of frenetic activities on sites such as EvilVlog. Now that I am beginning to get into the habit of blogging again (which I honestly doubted I would be able to), I need to keep that self-reflective distance to things, while looking at examples of best practice.

How do I stay creative?

A simple google search gives me this video:

29 WAYS TO STAY CREATIVE from TO-FU on Vimeo.

For most of the non-work related things, I will use this blog to document my progress and also to engage with others who are going through a similar process. Because surely, staying creative in our daily lives is not something I am alone in doing, and I guess tens of millions are having the same goal for 2012. On the other hand, I need to be more systematic about my blogging, while still keeping that freeflow form that works for me (as much as I sometimes want it, it isn’t that easy to completely re-wire my brain).

I hate lists. I really do. I think lists are creating a false image of reality. Nevertheless, I know that I need to use lists in my life.

Ways I plan to be creative in 2012:

* Write. Not just non-committing blog posts about whatever, but also pieces for the local newspaper, etc.
* Read. I need to read more, and I need to set aside time for this on a regular basis, even with all the other things that are going on. Oh, and I will have a reading list published :)
* Categorize. This is the missing link. Far too often, I keep information in the miscellaneous folder, and I don’t properly sort and categorize it.

Details on what I will write/read/categorize will come later, but it will have to do a lot with the areas I am involved in: Local politics in Oslo, the situation in Afghanistan, and family life.

A step has been taken. More to come.

Today, I finally managed to go to the beach! It is almost a bit comic that it took this amount of days before I plunged into the water, but then again – what better place to do it than Anda?

Here is a picture from today – not from Anda but a view from the shore of Guindulman:

Tatay Rodolfo, my father-in-law, took me to Anda this afternoon on their motorcycle. I enjoyed the trip going there, and I enjoyed the white beach, and I enjoyed the water. I didn’t bring a camera there today, but will next time I go there.

Otherwise, I spent the day a lot outside today, managed to get pink and tender skin on arms and ears, figured that sunblock lotion is impossible to get in this town (well, they have one with SPF 20 but that hardly counts), and met lots of locals.

Anywhere I go, there are children, and before I know it, other children have heard that there is a ‘kano’ around, and more are appearing. Kano is short form of ‘Amerikano’ and is the word most Filipinos use for foreigners – whether we are actually from USA or not. After trying to convince them that I am not actually American, but from Norway, a cold place on a different continent, I end up accepting defeat and just smiling whenever they say ‘oh! kano!’

I spent a lot of time with some guys who were drinking rhum and singing songs in front of this videoke machine.

They were very friendly, and I look forward to getting to know them more the coming weeks. After I took a walk around the area, I came back to see that they were ready to cut up a tuna fish that a local fisherman had caught. The tuna had a weight of about 130 lbs.

More pictures from the day have been uploaded to this flickr-set.

In an hour it is midnight here on Christmas Eve, and the people who went to church for mass will come back, and we will have midnight feast here. I don’t really feel hungry, but I guess there is no chance on earth that I can avoid eating a lot.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas! :)

It is approaching the end of day 9 of my stay here in The Philippines. Today was also the day when we first time went to Guindulman, which is my wife’s hometown in South-Eastern Bohol.

We arrived in Guindulman at about 5 PM this afternoon, and we managed to catch the sunset while walking through the town.

I am now in the home of my father- and mother-in-law, which is a house by the main road going through Guindulman. This is the same road that goes all around Bohol.

Day 9 – what have I learned so far here? What have we experienced here? First of all, it is great to be with my wife and our kid again – to see how Henrik is developing, can take longer walks etc. I have learned to really enjoy the city of Tagbilaran, the largest city on Bohol. I like it there, although there still is so much to explore. Cebu I have more of a mixed relationship with. I have not really grasped the city yet, but then again I guess this is partly due to the fact that I have spent most of my time there in either Ayala or SM City malls or in hotels or in a car.

I have 17 days left of our vacation here. Now that we are finally in Guindulman, and my mother is here (she arrived on 21st), we will move towards a new stage. More beach, hopefully more sun!, and further settling in. Expanding and deepening our relationship with the areas and the people here.

I like it here. I am seeing that I will look forward to coming back here once we are back in Norway, and that we will enjoy planning what to do next time.

It is Saturday night, 21:47 now, and I just sat down at a computer at an internet cafe here in Tagbilaran, Bohol.

We managed to move on from Cebu today; we got the 13:50 boat leaving for Bohol. The typhoon which led us stranded in Cebu yesterday, ended up killing more than 200, according to the news here.

My first reaction when I saw Bohol approach while on the boat was “Wow, that sure is Green!”. Bohol is a very green island, and I am happy to finally be here.

We arrived Tagbilaran at close to 4 PM, and went straight to the hotel where we prepared for the birthday celebration of Henrik. The party started at 6, and I didn’t count the visitors, but I guess we were totally about 50 people there. It was a great party I think, especially for the children who had games, two mascots (Winnie the Pooh and Mickey Mouse) and a machine that produced soap bubbles in the room.

Today was also the first time when I met my father- and mother-in-law. It was great to meet them, although I cannot communicate so well with Nanay Lenie yet. I will work on my Visayan. :)

The party ended a bit after 8, and Lira and I withdrew to our hotel room, exhausted. I then went out to look around, and found this internet cafe. I will now go around a bit further, try to find spots I want to explore, and then go back to the hotel.

We are not quite sure what to do tomorrow, but we might end up simply going to Guindulman, which is where my wife’s parents live. While there, we could recharge and relax while planning the next days.

Next week, my mother will come from Tromsoe, and it will be great for her to also have that vacation. She will stay untill Jan 7th, where we will stay untill 10th.

Ok, I will go now, out to get more impressions from this city. More soon!

It is now 01:48 AM Philippine time, which is 18:48 CET. I am at the lobby of a small hotel in Cebu, the largest city in the Visaya area of PH.

We are weather-stuck in Cebu; we originally planned to go to Tagbilaran, the largest city in Bohol, earlier today (Friday), but all the boat services had been cancelled due to a Typhoon signal. We hope that the boat services will be resumed on Saturday morning.

The thing is that tomorrow, Saturday, is our son’s 1st year birthday party. We expect 70+ guests, and we have everything sorted at the hotel. I really hope that we can manage to hold the party then, and not be stuck here in Cebu untill Sunday or later.

The weather this evening was rainy with some winds here in Cebu, but hardly that dramatic. Maybe it was worse out at sea in the Cebu strait.

I arrived on Thursday at 4 PM local time, after totally 15 hours of flight time from Oslo (via Doha, which looked mostly like just yet another international airport). The flight went fine, besides my legs starting to cramp towards the end. I didn’t get up and walk enough during the flight. After arrival, we went to a mall (SM Mall?) and had dinner, then checked in to our hotel (Hotel Elizabeth, near Ayala Mall). Yes, the malls seem to be the central axis points of this city; they are the true landmarks. I don’t quite know whether I find that incredibly funny or just weird.

Security vs. safety.
On Thursday night, at the hotel, I wanted to go out. My wife at first didn’t want to let me, she is quite uncertain about the security in Cebu, and yes, the crime level here sure is bigger than what I am used to from Northern European levels. But at the end I managed to convince her that I have travelled before, I Will be careful, I will bring a cell phone to call if I have a problem.

I ended up – of course – going to the Ayala Mall which is around the corner. Everybody greeted me with a ‘Hello, Sir’; I guess my whiter skin, my t-shirt with the letters U.S.A. (a gift from my sister-in-law Sandra), and the money pouch that I had around my neck, inside the t-shirt, was what gave me away as yup, a tourist.

Out of the two malls I have seen so far (and they are, I guess, the two biggest here in Cebu) I like Ayala the most. Not quite sure why.

Impressions?

Chaos. I like that actually, despite of the fact that I normally like things a bit structured. The traffic is pretty crazy, but not as wild as I expected. The weirdest thing, for me, is the lack of traffic lights and instead relying on human traffic controllers. I guess that kind of makes sense – I somehow doubt that most people would respect the traffic lights at all.

Friendly. I have been received quite well by people here, I mean random people on the streets, employees at hotels etc. I haven’t been able to Explore so much yet, mostly out of said security issue. At the place where we are now (a 11.998 PHP per double room per night somewhat more downtown than the Elizabeth Hotel we were at last night), I am more strongly advised against going out at night after dark, alone. I accept that, knowing that on Bohol my wife will feel more safe to let me go.

I will try to update this blog now and then with updates. I doubt I will be able to post pictures while here in PH, but I will try. I am also taking small video shots of 30 second duration, sort of still photos lasting 30 seconds, to take a snapshot of the atmosphere of where I am. I will post those in Norway at the latest.

I like it here. The heat hasn’t killed me yet, but then again we haven’t really had much sun since I arrived. The temperature has been around 33 degrees celsius. I am sure I will feel the heat stronger when the sun is out.

I am very happy that I have met Sandra and Rey now – Sandra is my sister-in-law, and Rey is her husband. He is from Davao, while she is from Bohol (living in Tagbilaran).

So, hopefully we will go to Bohol tomorrow. Hopefully, the weather will clear, and we will have some days with good weather.

My biggest achievement down here so far? I have managed to only think about work issues a Few times, and every time only a few seconds at the time. Then I had stopped myself, breathed slowly, and given myself a mental note: ‘No worries, I can think about work when I return to Norway on January 11′ :)

Earlier years, I have mostly been interested in the international affairs, cooperation between people from different backgrounds, and how we could learn from each other.

As I wrote in my last post, I have entered the political scene again. I will now not only be the deputy member of the committee, but the proper representative – I will change roles with the current rep. I am also running for President of the local branch of my party here in Stovner Bydel, which is one of 15 parts of Oslo. I don’t expect to win the election, since I am very new both in this part of Oslo and also have had those years away from politics, but I will enjoy the process of running for the office, and trying to convince the annual meeting why I would be good in the position.

So, while I earlier dealt with global issues, I now turn to the local, or the hyper-local. Dealing with issues related to people living in my neighborhood. Figuring out how we could perhaps do things better, or use new methods. And promote our party, although I am a terrible salesman.

I have enjoyed these last weeks, and as my passion is re-ignited (after having a few rather calm years where not much was going on besides on the very personal level (marriage, kid, new job)), I am learning about these new structures, and I am looking forward to the coming four years.

One of the things I will work on is the learning of the mistakes and experiences of others. I am sure that the challenges we have here in Stovner, this part of Oslo, are not unique. Yes, some parameters might be unique, but overall, there are many others who have battled with similar issues. How can we learn from each other?

I have gotten rather interested in the cultural life of this part of Oslo, and also the situation for entrepreneurs and local business. What could we do to promote ‘create your own job’ in schools here? How could we help youths see the endless horizon which is awaiting them?

On December 14th, I will go to The Philippines to spend time with my wife, our son, and my wife’s family. I am looking soo forward to that vacation. And when we get back, a new year will have started, and the local issues will be there, waiting for us, all of us, to consider them, tackle them, and share our experiences with others.

The first time I joined a political party was in 1998, when I came back to Norway after having lived in Denmark for 7 years. I moved to Bergen where I began studying at the university, and I asked my elder cousin, Heikki, what party I should join. I wanted to join an organization because I wanted to meet some people, being new in town, and I figured that a political party would be suitable for that.

Having lived in Denmark and previously having had absolutely no interest for politics, I had no idea what the difference between the different parties were beyond the most crude distinctions. Of course, since my cousin at that point was the leader of the Socialist Youth party in Norway, he said “The Socialists!”. He mentioned a few keywords that sounded good (fairness, justice, equality between genders, international solidarity, etc), and I said “Hey, why not?” and joined.

I was active in Bergen Socialist Youth for about half a year in the spring of 1998, but I eventually drifted away from the environment there. It wasn’t because someone in the party had jokingly labeled me a postmodern relativist, or the fact that people often referred to me simply as “Heikki’s cousin”, but I realized that no, I wasn’t really a socialist at heart. So I withdrew from that scene and instead focused on student politics at the University for a few years.

In 2002, after my years in student politics and far too little actual studies done (ehem), I was talking with a few people I knew from the student politics arena, and during a discussion I mentioned that I was wanting to be a bit more active in politics again. I mentioned how I had been member of the Socialists, but that it didn’t feel right for me. They mentioned Venstre, the social-liberal party, and I was convinced after they explained the basics of the ideology. I paid the membership fee, and was within a few days asked by someone who I guess had heard about my activities in the student community whether I was interested in being a board member of Bergen Unge Venstre, the Bergen branch of the Liberal Youth. I said sure, I didn’t know where I was going anyway in my life, so I might as well have a hobby that included meeting new people and discussing interesting issues.

I ended up becoming quite involved again; I joined the international committee of the Liberal Youth nationally, and I joined the Balkan group that organized events with sister parties in Serbia and Bosnia&Herzegovina, and I started a little internal magazine dealing with international issues. I doubt that I ever had any “political victories” in the party, but I did talk a lot about the importance of having a blog or a videoblog. After the 2005 elections, I withdrew from politics again, and the year after I moved to Denmark again for work reasons.

Fast forward to 2009, when I moved back to Norway, this time Oslo. My three years in Denmark had matured me quite a bit. I.e. I felt the need to ‘grow up’, and I knew I wanted to grow in my work area of life, build something, even if it was just amounts of years worked at one company, having developed something there. Helped build something, a new way to communicate internally, or gained enough expertise in a field to be of more than minimal use to the company – ANYTHING, really.

I had for about a year been very interested in the situation of Filipino au pairs coming to Scandinavia, and also co-founded a little magazine about the subject. But that interest didn’t stick with me, for reasons I still ponder.

So these last two years have been a phase of re-focusing, and preparing for the next stage. In terms of work, I am still figuring out what direction I want to take, but at least I now have a workplace that I enjoy a lot, dealing with both technology and communication. I then as my private New Year’s resolution for 2011 had “Get involved!”, and I started to look for ways to get involved in something. I decided to join SiA Norge, a small organization that focuses on the situation of girls and women in Afghanistan, and I am now marketing coordinator there. Not a very big role as the organization is really small, but we will see where that will go in the next 1-2 years as things speed up.

Then, on October 18th, 9 days ago, I decided to pay my membership fees to Venstre (the Liberal Party) again, and I would then see if something interesting came up, although I didn’t have big hopes.

Tuesday this week, I talked with someone from the central office of Venstre in Oslo who I remember from my years in the youth party. He had contacted me because they needed a deputy member for a committee at the local political level here at Stovner, which is a part of Oslo. I asked what committees they needed a deputy member for, and he mentioned the “Upbringing and culture” committee as one of them. Immediately, my ears perked up.

I thought about our son, HK, who is now 10 months old. I had since we moved here to Stovner into a 80 m2 apartment in February wondered if I would like us to live here long-term, let our son grow up here beyond perhaps the first few years.

And I had actually during this autumn decided that no, I don’t want him to grow up here, in Stovner. As soon as possibly, we will move either to Central Oslo (Gamlebyen area, for instance), or a bit further away from Oslo, to Jessheim or Drammen.

It is not the fact that there are quite a few immigrants living in this area that scares me off, I don’t consider myself racist at all. Rather, it is the socioeconomic reality here that bothers me, and the uninspiring architecture, the big shopping centre that seems to cater to low-income families, where everything is cheapcheap, on sale.

And at the same time, I know that I am being unfair to this part of Oslo, so despite having decided with myself that I want to get away from here as soon as possible, I have been saying to myself that “Maybe we could stay here untill HK is 5 years old, and then move, and then move to a more permanent place, an area we can grow old in”.

And I thought about my political past where I felt everything just turned to shit because of my mannerisms and my lack of Finishing projects, taking things further, founding things properly within the structure of the Party. I thought about whether I really wanted to get involved again. Because I knew this Tuesday, during that talk, that if I accepted this deputy position, I would go all in. I would have another of those periods again, where I would write letters to the newspaper, I would post countless blog posts, often endless posts like this one, I wouldn’t know how to keep things short, I would get excited, try to inspire others, blablabla.

I accepted the nomination from my party for this position without much hesitation.

And I felt happy, because I know that, to me, this is perhaps a way to redeem myself. Not for others, but for myself. And I remember July 22nd, and the pledge I whispered that first night after the bomb and the shooting, the pledge that I really, Really, REALLY, need to do something, to be involved. I can’t go on living like a zombie, just concerned about myself or my family, as important as that is, and as much my deeper pledge is to Focus on that in my life. Be a good husband, a good father.

And today I attended the first meeting of the local council here in Stovner, where I am not elected, but I was observing it, and I witnessed the moment the local council voted on the members for this committee, and the deputy members, of which I am the first deputy member.

Here is a picture of the moment after the decision had been made to follow the suggestions from the different political parties:

SO. Here we are, today marks another phase beginning, where I return to politics, and my old party that I had sort of avoided for so long. I will, as deputy member of this committee, actually only be there present as voting member of the committee maybe a few times a year, when the proper member cannot attend due to conflicting schedule or whatever. But I will go all in on this, not only turn up for the meetings required, but get further involved in my local community and my party’s local chapter here.

These four years will prove interesting.

And after the four years, I can still follow the urge to leave this part of Oslo, and move to an upgraded neighborhood. But then, at least, I have made an honest effort here in the meantime.